12 Tips for Staying Positive
"You're always so positive," someone said to me last week, and it's not the first time I heard it. But here's a secret: it doesn't come naturally to me. The truth is I work hard at it. Every. Single. Day.
Several years ago, I worked with someone who was a breath of fresh air. She was authentically and consistently pleasant and had that glass-is-half-full mindset. I wanted what she had and decided to research how I could get it. What I learned was life-altering and best described this way:
"You’re not your brain; you’re the CEO of your brain. You can’t control everything that goes on in 'Mind, Inc.' But you can decide which projects get funded with your attention and action." - Eric Barker
The concept that we are not our thoughts and have the power to control our mindset was a game-changer for me. If that was true, then I wanted to learn how to become a master of my own mind. Around the same time, I had an opportunity to take my first psychometric assessment and learn a bit more about patterns of thinking. Over the next 5 years or so, I read books, articles, and research studies. I learned about the cognitive triangle, got certified in psychometric assessments, facilitated workshops, and talked to life coaches, therapists, and psychiatrists.
Here is the most powerful thing I can tell you about everything I’ve learned: if you want to have a positive mindset, you must protect your brain and guard it against negative thought patterns.
Now here’s the thing: you can find a lot of great information, resources, and practices by searching the internet, but you have to DO THE WORK. In the same way that simply reading about exercise routines won’t build muscle, simply taking note of the practices that can lead to more positive thinking won’t change your thought patterns.
So here are the rituals that I attribute to transforming my thinking and keeping me “always so positive”:
1. I listen to a positive talk or motivational speaker every single day while getting ready for work.
2. I limit the amount of news I take in (I no longer listen to the morning news because it is predominantly negative and that’s not what I want to feed my brain for breakfast.)
3. I meditate daily. I use a guided meditation app nearly every night before bed. Sometimes I use it during the day too, taking a 5- or 10-minute meditation break.
4. I practice being aware of my thoughts and know that I am not responsible for the first thought that comes to my mind, but I am responsible for the second, third, fourth, etc. I’m also responsible for how I act on those thoughts.
5. In assessing my thoughts, I ask myself “is this useful?” (I tend to worry a lot, so this question is particularly powerful for me as there’s virtually no ROI on worrying.)
6. I practice gratitude. I’m not into journaling, so I make mental lists of the things I’m grateful for as part of my bedtime routine.
7. When I feel overwhelmed, like I’ve got my hands full, I remind myself “better full than empty” and revisit #6.
8. I personified my positive and negative self-talk. I think of them as 2 women in my brain (remember the old show “Herman’s Head”?) I call the negative thoughts “Donna” and the positive ones “Joy,” and when I have negative thoughts, I imagine myself shepherding Donna out the front door and I say “I hear you, Donna; no thank you.”
9. I practice mindfulness and ground myself in the present moment many times throughout the day, becoming fully aware of my surroundings and thoughts and feelings without judgment. For example, when I’m nervous about a big presentation, it’s easy to fall into the trap of wanting to just get it over with, but I try not to do that. Instead, I take note of my physiological and mental state and really just try to savor the entirety of the human experience.
10. I am so very fortunate to have a few people in my life who I can always count on to lift me up and cheer me on, and I’ve learned to look for those people and surround myself with them. I am highly selective with how I spend my time and with whom I spend it. I prefer to be alone rather than put myself in situations I know will bring me down.
11. I stay vigilant about the negative external cues and realties of the world and try not to allow them to get into my psyche and chip away at my resolve to stay positive, focused, and confident. I’ve learned that the world will beat me down mentally if I let it. Stories in the media are often fear-invoking, I regularly have negative interactions with people (bad customer service experiences, people criticizing or blaming me, being cut off in traffic, etc.), and I’ve had my fair share of negative life events (i.e., health struggles and losing loved ones). I actively and consistently practice reframing situations and telling myself stories that neutralize triggers (for example, I tell myself that the person who just cut me off in traffic has a family emergency or might lose their job if they’re late today).
12. I made a shift to stop thinking of self-care as selfish and now recognize it is an essential part of my overall physical and mental health. I prioritize personal activities that cultivate well-being and foster resilience.